


monachopsis

by DJBunn3



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: And also for Lance to be his boyfriend, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Female Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith just wants to be loved and appreciated and treated like family, M/M, Orphan Keith (Voltron), Pining, Pining Keith (Voltron), Socially Awkward Keith (Voltron), but not in the way you're probably thinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-18 00:42:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9355586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DJBunn3/pseuds/DJBunn3
Summary: It’s not that family-like situations make Keith uncomfortable, per se.He enjoys spending time with his fellow paladins and the Alteans, obviously. And in a way, they’re almost like a real family. Shiro and Allura are like the parents, and Hunk and Pidge are the younger siblings, mischievous and playful. That makes him and Lance the twins, polar opposites and incredibly similar at the same time, and always arguing over something.And no, he hasn’t thought much about this atall.So obviously he’s got no problem with families. They’re fine, even great. Just because he never had one before, doesn’t mean he’s made uncomfortable by them.But now? Now that he’s witnessing Lance’s charisma firsthand once again, watching his easy interactions with complete strangers that Keith can only hope to achieve with Shiro and the others, he feels strangled and alone. His heart thumps unevenly in his chest. He’s opened the can of worms in his head that he swore he’d never touch again, and now they’re just crawling around his brain.





	

It’s not that family-like situations make Keith _uncomfortable_ , per se.

He enjoys spending time with his fellow paladins and the Alteans, obviously. And in a way, they’re almost like a real family. Shiro and Allura are like the young parents, while Coran is the weird uncle figure. Or maybe Shiro is the responsible older brother, and Hunk and Pidge are the younger siblings, mischievous and playful. That makes him and Lance the twins, polar opposites and incredibly similar at the same time, and always arguing over something.

And no, he hasn’t thought much about this at _all_.

So obviously he’s got no problem with families. They’re fine, even great. Just because he never had one before, doesn’t mean he’s made uncomfortable by them. It’s such a simple thing, there’s no reason to pay it any mind.

The Gajiin father in front of him stands, his alien child rested on his hip as he bows in thanks. Neither of them shares a common language, but it’s clear from his expression that he is grateful.

Keith smiles in return, forcing himself to stay in place instead of fleeing back to Red like his gut is telling him to. Allura is still talking to the aliens’ ruler, after all, so it’s not like they’re leaving anytime soon.

They had stopped when a distress signal from a nearby planet had caught Allura’s attention, and team Voltron had immediately suited up to help. Turns out it hadn’t been anything to do with Zarkon, but instead with a rogue space creature that had taken several dozen Gajiin captive for a snack. They’d easily been able to restrain the alien creature, and Coran had been able to shoot it with a stun beam from the ship while the others had rescued the captives, most of which are just now returning to their loved ones.

“Aw, look at Lance, making friends over there.”

Hunk’s voice snaps Keith back to the present, and he glances over to where Lance is swinging a small Gajiin child up in the air. She pulls at his hair curiously, and he laughs, his eyes crinkling happily. The sight makes Keith’s gut twist, and even though he knows he should be smiling like everyone else, he turns away.

Okay, so maybe he’s a _little_ unnerved around families, alien or not. But it’s not so much anything else as it is a feeling of being unwanted there, an unwelcome stranger.

It was like this the one time he’d tried to spend a holiday vacation at a friend from the Garrison’s house. There was endless family, endless chatter and warmth, and Keith had just felt so out of place that he’d flown himself back to his shack before the first day was even over.

So yeah, maybe the sight of Lance fitting in so easily with everyone he comes into contact with, alien or not, ticks him off a little, and maybe it always leaves a hollow feeling in his gut that he can’t do anything about. He knows Lance comes from a big family, but _seriously_ , there’s no way he can be popular amongst everyone in the universe.

At the Garrison, Keith had had friends. Not as many as Lance, obviously, but a few of them, and even though they weren’t nearly as close as he is with team Voltron now, they’d been enough. But after he had dropped out, not a one of them had cared where he’d went. He knows because Lance had told him as much one night in the castle, and while Lance may be a fibber, he’s not an outright liar. Keith could hear his sincerity when he’d mentioned it.

It might have hurt him at the time, that his closest associates at the Garrison--the closest thing he’d had to a family--couldn’t care less about his disappearance. But he’d been preoccupied with his research, which had lead him to both Shiro and Voltron. So he hadn’t had time to be sore about it.

But now? Now that he’s witnessing Lance’s charisma firsthand once again, watching his easy interactions with complete strangers that Keith can only hope to achieve with Shiro and the others, he feels strangled and alone. His heart thumps unevenly in his chest.

“Hey,” Hunk says, patting his shoulder gently. “Are you okay? Allura’s done, so we can leave whenever you’re ready.”

Keith nods immediately. He’s dying to get off this friendly, lovey-dovey planet and back to their quiet, solitary spaceship.

He follows Hunk to where their lions are waiting for them, stepping into Red and taking the wheel so he can bring them back to the castle. Lance takes off first, Shiro and Pidge soon after. Keith is off the ground before Hunk, speeding past everyone else in order to get to the castle as soon as possible. For once, Lance doesn’t speed up to try to beat him.

Allura, having boarded with Coran while Keith was still zoned out, is preparing a wormhole for them to return out to space. Keith enters his room more worn out than he should be from such a simple fight, flops down on his bed, and closes his eyes.

But he can’t sleep, or even rest. It’s not unusual for him to have trouble sleeping during the day (or whatever, outside of his usual sleep schedule, since he has no real perception of Earth time anymore) but this is different. He hasn’t been sleeping well lately--he’s _exhausted_ , but he can’t drift off. He’s opened the can of worms in his head that he swore he’d never touch again, and now they’re just crawling around his brain.

Sighing, he tosses his blanket onto the floor and slides off his bed.

His feet carry him through the halls, past the kitchen and the main control deck, until he recognizes the route to the training area. Who knows, maybe a little training will help settle his mind. It’s not like he hasn’t taken his feelings out by beating things up before.

But on his way, he passes Lance’s room, and something makes him stop in his tracks. There’s nothing that could catch his attention--no sound coming from the other side of the door, nothing remarkable about the door or the surrounding area. He has no reason to stop, but he _does_ , and isn’t that reason enough to take a look?

Lance never locks his door, apparently, because when Keith tries it it slides right open. The inside of his room is as messy as was expected, the bed unmade, clothes strewn madly around the floor, a few random space rocks resting by the foot of his bed. Keith shakes his head, exasperated. Sooner or later, Lance would learn that having a messy room isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

It’s obvious that he shouldn’t be here, that it’s not his place. Even though there’s nothing they can really hide from each other in the castle, it’s still a huge invasion of privacy for him to be in another paladin’s room. Still he takes a few steps inside and looks around.

Aside from the mess, there isn’t much that distinguishes Lance’s room from the rest of theirs. It’s surprising, because he seems like the type of guy to have a bunch of posters taped to his wall and random junk lying around. Keith has been in Pidge’s room before, only briefly, but even hers had more personality than _this_. Granted, her way of decorating is to leave gadgets, files, and photos all over every available surface, but it’s more Pidge than Lance’s room is Lance.

The only thing that’s really noticeable is a photo affixed to the wall above his pillow. Keith takes a few steps around, trying not to snoop, before finally giving in and looking at it. Despite the obvious damage from having caried it around since--probably before he was a student the Garrison, Keith realizes--it’s not folded over in the center or ripped very much around the edges. It must be really important to Lance.

Keith takes another step, knees brushing Lance’s bed frame as he leans in to look closer. The photo depicts a large group of people--all of different shapes and sizes, some with light skin and some with Lance’s dark tan complexion, but for the most part they all share something familiar about them that makes it so painfully obvious who they are.

This is Lance’s family.

“What are you doing?”

Startled, Keith jolts and loses his balance, arms waving in the air for a second before he falls forward onto Lance’s bed. He turns around guiltily, meeting Lance’s angry gaze.

“I- I was-”

Lance glares threateningly, storming towards him and stopping only a few inches away. He hovers over Keith threateningly, all traces of his usual playfulness gone, before glancing up at the photo.

“What’s with you, man? You can’t just come into someone’s room and start snooping around. That’s bad manners.”

“I wasn’t snooping!” Keith replies indignantly. Lance turns back to him, hands on his hips.

“Oh yeah? Then what were you doing here?”

Keith stutters to a halt. There’s no explanation he can possibly give that will make sense to Lance--none of them even make sense to _him_ . There _isn’t_ an explanation. There really isn’t any reason for him to be here, save for that strange gut feeling that has only gotten stronger since he’d seen Lance’s photo. “I was just… leaving?”

He attempts to stand up and brush past Lance, maybe finally head out to the training deck and beat his emotions into submission, but a firm hand on his shoulder stops him an inch off the bed.

“No way I’m letting you leave without an explanation, Keith. Who knows what you could’ve done in here. Maybe you set up a bunch of traps around my room to sabotage me!”

“Would I really do that?”

Luckily, Lance doesn’t look as angry as he had before, but he continues with his rant anyway. “Who knows anymore, man? Normal people don’t just go through people’s personal stuff--except maybe Hunk, but the point is, you shouldn’t be here.”

“I’m going, already.”

A smirk slowly spreads its way across Lance’s face as he pushes him down once again. “What, were you admiring my family?”

“No,” Keith scoffs, but his face flushes a bit. Lance’s eyes widen in disbelief.

“Holy _quiznak_ , you _were_!” His smirk only grows wider when Keith glares up at him. _It’s like he’s fueled by annoyance,_ he thinks, wishing he could slap that stupid look right off of the idiot’s face.

“I _wasn’t_ ,” he protests.

“You _totally_ were. We’re pretty good looking, right?” Lance is practically cackling with glee. “I know, I know, none of them are quite as good looking as me, but still.”

Keith stands up, not feeling so guilty anymore. Lance had looked so furious when he’d caught Keith looking at the photo, so much so that Keith was afraid he’d refuse to talk to him afterwards or something, but now he’s just being a cocky idiot. “I’m leaving, like you wanted, so drop it.”

Lance sobers up a bit, but there’s still mirth in his eyes and amusement in his expression. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. No, for real. Hey, Keith-”

He pushes Lance’s hand off his shoulder, and the hollowness inside of him twists hideously. “I said drop it!” he snaps, and Lance’s suspicious yet annoyingly playful expression dissipates. Keith’s a little surprised, too--he hadn’t meant to snap, but apparently he’s becoming less and less predictable.

Whatever that means.

He storms out of Lance’s room, wanting to throw both himself and Lance off a bridge. It had been so, _so_ stupid to go in there, even more so to think that it would make him feel better. What had he been expecting, some type of social guidebook for fitting in? Or, at least, for being a little less socially awkward.

But the soft look on Lance’s face as he’d looked at the photo of his family lingers in Keith’s head, the memory of the red paladin’s hand on Keith’s shoulder still faintly there, and he wonders how one person can be so infuriatingly captivating. He has more questions now than he had before going into Lance’s room, and the fact that he hadn’t found _anything_ at all while in there is so horribly annoying.

No, he realizes, and the fleeting thought only adds fuel to the fire that is his temper.

He’d found exactly what he was expecting.

* * *

 

Lance is homesick.

It’s obvious in the way he wakes up a full hour later than his usual time (two hours later than the rest of them) with an unreadable look in his eyes that something’s off with him. And Keith, having been the only one who’d seen Lance look at his family photo with the same soft and intriguing look a few days earlier, knows exactly what it is.

Still, he refrains from saying anything throughout the whole day. It’s not his place, and besides, he wouldn’t be able to help even if he wants to, with his limited comforting skills and his nonexistent family history.

Shiro and Allura do their best though, trying to take his mind off the troubling thoughts with jokes and training distractions, and even Coran jumps in with strange, alien anecdotes. Pidge and Hunk, having firsthand experience with homesickness and missing their families, offer two sets of shoulders to lean on and four ears to talk to, although Hunk kind of ruins the supportive and collected atmosphere by bursting into tears at the dining table.

Keith kind of wonders if he’d had anything to do with Lance’s homesickness. Maybe something about him finding (well, stumbling upon unknowingly, he reasons) the family photo in Lance’s room had unlocked some type of vault of family memories.

That’s stupid. He probably had nothing to do with this, and besides, people can’t actually lock up their memories that easily. Sure, if Lance had a bigger brain capacity and better discipline and self control, then maybe, but with the way he is now there’s just no way. Maybe the Gajiin families they’d seen during their last rescue mission are the reason--they had seemed like a close-knit people with deep-rooted love for each other, much like human families often seem to be. It would make perfect sense.

“Okay, guys, let’s get training,” Shiro says once they’ve all finished their space food. “We never know when Zarkon’s next attack might be, after all.”

Keith trails behind as everyone else walks to the main deck. He _wants_ to be of help, _wants_ to say something kind and comforting to Lance, but he’s lacking so drastically in the comfort field that his brain has gone almost completely blank. But he feels so bad for the guy, who’s just so out of sorts and _not himself_. He’s not acting like Lance, and, despite usually finding him constantly infuriating, it bothers Keith.

He finds himself actually _missing_ Lance’s dumb jokes which he only understands are jokes half of the time. He _wants_ Lance to challenge him to stupid races just to get him riled up, or to brag about how good a pilot he is. He just wants everything to be normal again. Anything would be better than this mopy, reserved version of Lance that’s barely acknowledged Keith at all so far.

He finds himself regretting that statement an hour later. Lance is an emotional mess during training, unfocusing the entire team with his stupid family-triggered emotions, and Keith should have _known_ that he wouldn’t keep his dumb mouth shut for long. Everything is reminding Keith of Earth, from Pidge’s lion’s color to the almost familiar looking constellations in the galaxy sky they fly through. He’s _distracting_ , so much so that he actually destabilizes Voltron. And Keith? Well, he just about loses his temper at that.

They fly their lions to their hangers and leave them, before regrouping in the central control deck for some strategizing. As soon as Keith spots Lance, he’s storming towards him, fists clenched at his sides.

“Would you _knock it off_ , already?” he snaps, loud and vicious and cold, catching the attention of everyone in the room, but he doesn’t care. This might have been what he’d asked for, but it’s _not_ what he’d wanted.

Lance, startled, stares up at Keith with confusion in his stupid eyes.

“What?”

His tone is indignant, but it wavers with emotion, and it finally sends Keith off the edge.

“You’re distracting us all! You need to focus, or we’ll have wasted a whole day with your stupid homesickness, and it will be _your_ fault. So just… get over it already, or whatever.”

Lance looks shocked, then furious. His expression changes so fast Keith would have missed it if he had blinked, and it’s almost terrifying enough to make him wish for emotional Lance again, but he’s learned his lesson about wishing for Lance to change.

“ _Excuse me?_ ” he exclaims, balking. “You’re _seriously_ blaming me for missing Earth a little? I knew you were a jerk, Keith, but I didn’t realize you were _this_ cold.”

“I’m not being cold, I’m being realistic.” Keith glares daggers at Lance, who glares right back, unfazed.

“I should have known you wouldn’t be sympathetic!” Lance snaps. “It’s not like you _can_ be, anyway.”

“Lance!” Allura sounds shocked and hurt that a paladin of Voltron would say something like that, and honestly, Keith’s a little hurt too. Even for Lance, who’s never been much of a sensitive person, that was low. His twisted emotions blossom into something more than annoyance--pain-fueled rage.

“You think the others weren’t thinking the same thing? It’s not about me being an orphan, it’s about _you_ being a _nuisance_.”

Shiro speaks up, now. “Keith, calm down. I know we’re all a little tense and homesick, but that’s no reason to start placing blame.”

Keith whips around, lightning fast and just as electric, to glare at Shiro. “You know how important our training is,” he snaps, voice low. “And you know _me_ , more than anyone else on the ship does. I thought _you, of all people, would understand!_ ”

“Keith!” Lance yells. “Leave Shiro out of this.”

“ _Why should I?!_ ” Keith screams. Lance bossing him around is quite possibly the most _infuriating_ thing that has ever happened, especially because he’s defending someone else. Something ugly curls around his tongue, and he bites down on it hard.

“Because he has nothing to do with this! You’re right, this _isn’t_ about you being an orphan, it’s about your dumb social anxiety! I mean, who knows how many times I’ve tried to get you to join in on something and you just… just _separate yourself_ from us, and _now_ you’re acting like you’re _so above_ my dumb human emotions, but really you’re just clueless about them. Well, you know what, fuck you!”

Lance breathes in deeply, eyeing Keith with malice, and he has to suppress the urge to strangle the idiot. Because, he knows, Lance is _exactly_ right and it’s not only painful, it’s _terrifying_.

“It’s not as easy for me as it is for all of you!” he yells. “You’ve been around people all your lives! You’re _social_ ! You understand what it’s like to be in a family, and I don’t! Can you blame me for being a little jealous? Can you _blame me_ for being so _clueless_ when I’ve never _had the chance to learn?!_ ”

It had been addressed to all of them, but somehow it had ended up directed completely at Lance. And everybody knows it, judging from the shock written on their faces. And then Lance is shouting again.

“ _What about us?!_ ” he screams. “Pidge and Hunk, Shiro, Allura and Coran? Me, Keith?! _What about me!_ You said you never got to learn about family, but you’ve had plenty of chances with us! So don’t you _dare_ tell me that you’re being excluded here, because _the only one excluding yourself is you!!_ ”

“Shut up, shut up, _shut up!_ ” Keith takes a few quick, panicked breaths and and shakes his head, his emotions going haywire and his vision blurring. It’s _too much_. The emotion, the pain, _Lance_. He’s so weak now, and he just...

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Hunk fighting back tears and Pidge glaring down at her shoes, both refusing to take any part in this. Allura and Coran seem shocked and unsure of themselves in such a human situation, and Shiro’s face represents cold stone. They’re choosing to be neutral, all of them are, or at least to keep their opinions to themselves. And as much as he tries to ignore it, it hurts a little. They aren’t going to defend him. Of course not. Why should they?

They’re not his family. Because of him.

With a sound of frustration and pain similar to a roar, he turns on his heel and storms out of the room, knocking into Shiro wish his shoulder along the way. He’s almost certain that it hurts himself more than it does the older paladin, but it gets the message across just fine.

* * *

 

Keith makes his way to his room, fuming all the way. He flops backwards onto his bed, head barely missing the wall on his way down, as the thought that _he’s just an extra_ sinks in further. He contributes to Voltron obviously, and he’s not gonna doubt himself--he’s a great fighter and a great pilot. But he’s socially awkward, and even though they’ve been trying to include him, he just _can’t_ do it.

Nobody tries to find him, and he’s thankful for that, but at the same time he really wishes somebody would come. Despite his previous realization, which still holds true, he knows that team Voltron is the closest thing he’s ever had to a family, and the closest he ever _will_. He’s an orphan. It’s not like he’ll have some type of reunion waiting for him when he gets back, like the others will. It’s not that he’s _homesick_. The Castle of Lions _is_ his home, but at the same time, he’s never felt like more of an outsider.

Is it because he’s never had a group to be outside of? Back at the Garrison, he hadn’t cared at all whether or not he’d fit in--he’d just wanted to graduate at the top of his class. But here, with a real team that grows closer every day, it feels like being part of it is the most important thing in the world, and he’s ruining it for himself.

It’s a strange conflict between his loner self, who wants to be left alone, and the self that desperately wants somebody to care enough about him to-

“Keith?”

 _Fuck me,_ he thinks, going still. Sure, he’d just been moping over the fact that nobody’s coming to check on him, but Lance is honestly the last person he’d expected--and the last he’d wanted to see. His insides boil with rage as Lance’s words flash through his brain, and his fists clench at his sides.

“I know you’re in there, man, let me in.”

Keith barely breathes, hoping Lance will just go away on his own, because if he doesn’t there’s no way they’ll both come out unscathed. Stupid jerk Lance, with his perfect charisma and his inability to understand other people’s emotions. Keith never wants to see his stupid face or hear his stupid voice again.

Except he _does_ , and it’s terrible to know that he’s depriving himself again. Because over the few days between seeing Lance’s family photo and their recent screaming match, he’s realized that Lance’s stupid face and dumb voice, his bad jokes and his cocky personality--Lance in general is kind of a people magnet, and, well, he’s definitely a person.

He likes Lance. Like, _likes_ him, and he has for so, _so_ long.

That’s the reason why Lance can fire him up so easily, why Keith is always so annoyed by him. It’s the reason why he’s always so hyper-aware of Lance’s presence, wherever they are. It’s why Lance is the only one who can get large reactions out of him, and why his rare compliments and moments of compassion seem so important.

It’s the reason why Lance can hurt him so much more than the others can.

“Keith, I’m coming in.”

There’s a steely determination to Lance’s voice that sends shivers up his spine, but crush or no crush, he doesn’t want to see anyone.

“Don’t!” he yells, letting his anger seep into his words. “Don’t be even more of a jerk, Lance, just go away!”

“Shut your quiznak!”

The door slides open to reveal Lance, looking annoyed and red in the face from yelling. (Had he been that way before? Keith had been too angry to remember clearly.)

Whatever. No matter how annoyed Lance may be, it’s nothing compared to Keith’s previously sedated fury.

“What are _you_ doing here?” he asks, venom in his tone. Lance stares at him accusingly, unfazed.

“What do you think, idiot? I’m here to fix things.”

And yeah, he’d kind of expected that Shiro would make Lance come eventually, but god, isn’t this a little soon?

“If by ‘things’ you mean ‘me’, then no thanks. I don’t need fixing,” he snaps, glaring. But he does, and it must be terribly apparent, because Lance almost looks sorry that he said it.

“You don’t need fixing, okay? I admit it, I was a little out of line.” And he even looks ashamed, too. What a horrible person.

“And you called me clueless,” Keith shoots back, but he’s totally drained. Instead of getting up and using excessive force to get Lance as far away from him as possible, he slumps down further on his bed. Mistakenly taking his bonelessness as an invitation to stay, Lance sits down next to him.

“I’m trying to apologize,” he says, pouting a little, and even though he’s being playful (to mask his real emotions, Keith figures) there’s a resigned truth in his words and his expression.

“You’re doing great so far,” Keith gripes sarcastically, turning onto his side so he doesn’t have to look at Lance’s dumb pretty face anymore. This proves to be a bad decision, as a second later, he feels a heavy weight leaning against him.

“What the hell-”

“I really am sorry,” Lance says, sighing, and holy shit, Keith can _feel_ him. His breath, his heart, every little shift he makes. It’s incredibly distracting, and this definitely isn’t a good time for his dumb feelings to get in the way.

“I don’t care!” Keith snaps, a little too harshly. “You were being an idiot, you know? First you’re all mopey and weird, and just not like yourself, and you got me all worried, but then you just won’t shut up about your family, and _then_ you go and blame me for being a mess, which, by the way, I already _know_ I am, and how am I _supposed_ to react when you’re all up in my face for not having a family?”

The weight disappears from his back, and he rolls over again so that they’re face to face. Lance looks a little taken aback by Keith’s admission, eyebrows raised and furrowed in a melancholy sort of way.

“I just miss Earth a little,” he says. “I didn’t mean to offend you, Keith, really.”

“Offend me?” Keith scoffs. “I was distracted. I was _worried_ about you! I thought you were really going through something deep!”

“Who says I wasn’t?” Lance argues.

“Well, if you were, you would have stayed holed up in your room all day!”

“What? That’s you, Keith, not me.” Lance crosses his arms, glaring. “I got up because I knew we’d need to spend our time training instead of moping. I know it’s hard for you to tell, but I actually _do_ care about the team!”

“Oh, _of course you do_! They’re your family!” Keith exclaims, his control snapping. And then it’s like everything he’s been holding back, about family, Voltron, Lance, all tumble out of his mouth at once. And he can’t stop it, even if he tries.

“Of course you care about them! They obviously care about you, too! And back home, on Earth, you’ve got _another_ family just _waiting_ for you to come home! People who love you, people who want to protect you, who would do anything for you! I mean, I can’t exactly blame them, can I?”

Lance looks shocked. “Keith-”

“I mean, _god_ , you’re so wonderful _all of the time_! You’ve got this thing about you that just attracts people, without you having to even try! _Everybody likes you!_ Everybody wants to be close to you, and you have the nerve to feel _lonely_ and _homesick_ ? Well, guess what, _Lance_?” He spits Lance’s name out with such fury that Lance actually recoils. “Not all of us are that lucky! Some of us don’t have your charm or your luck! Some of us are _broken_ , and navigating social situations is hard for us. And when I see people like you, people who just attract others without even doing anything, maybe I get a little jealous. Or maybe you just remind me of what a _screw-up_ I am!”

His face is wet with tears, and suddenly he can’t get enough air into his lungs. He breathes in shallow, hiccuping gulps, blinking furiously and shaking uncontrollably. God, he’s _crying_. _In front of Lance_. He wants to run out of the room, to hide in shame forever, because this is so damn _embarrassing_ and he can’t stop. But he can’t yet--he’s not done.

“I know,” he says tensely, trying to quell his sobs, “that you have your ridiculous one-sided rivalry with- with me. I know that you think I’m perfect, and you have a constant need to beat me. But y- _you’re_ the one who’s so amazing. You’re funny and kind, and- and you’re almost as insecure as I am on the inside. S-So don’t go around thinking that _you’re_ such a sob story, bec- because-”

Keith gasps, and a fresh cascade of tears falls down his face as Lance lunges forward and practically tackles him. His arms are wrapped around Keith, pulling him impossibly close--closer than he’d ever dared to imagine before. Keith’s eyes are wide, and he squeezes them shut to fight off the waves of emotion finally crashing over him. He sobs into Lance’s shoulder, shaking fiercely, not able to speak another word.

Lance is murmuring to him, soft and hoarse, saying things like “Shh, it’s alright, just calm down,” and “It’s gonna be okay,” and it makes Keith feel so _strange_ , and so strangely loved. His arms are braced between their chests--he fists his hands into Lance’s shirt and bawls, and Lance just sits there and lets him.

“Keith, Keith, you idiot,” he whispers, but it’s so full of affection that it makes his chest go tight. “I had no idea, I swear. I’m so sorry, so sorry, please don’t cry. Smile for me, or at least be angry.”

When Keith goes slack, save for a few shaking breaths, Lance cradles him gently in his arms. Lance's eyelashes brush the red paladin’s neck, and he shivers beneath him. They sit for a minute while Keith recollects himself, and then Lance turns him by the shoulders so that they’re once again face to face.

“I’m sorry if I upset you by being so stupid,” he says, cracking a smile at his self-deprecating joke. “You’re just, so strong and put together all the time, I didn’t think I _could_ upset you. But I never wanted to exclude you. I wanted you to hang out with us more, or at least to feel a little more at ease here, but I- I didn’t try hard enough. I should have noticed, or done something, but I’m kind of a moron.”

“Stop it,” Keith says, his voice weak and tired. He’s so done with emotions.

“No, listen. When I saw you in my room, I thought you’d found my letter.” Lance sighs, shaking his head. “I know there’s no space mail out here, none that can go back to Earth, at least, but I was writing to my mom.”

Keith frowns ever so slightly, confused. “Why?”

Lance looks away sheepishly, a pretty blush covering his cheeks. “That’s, ah, well… I was writing to her about my feelings.”

When Keith doesn’t give any reaction, he elaborates. “Uh, that is, my… feelings for you.”

Keith’s eyes go wide again, and his heart jumps to his throat. “O-Oh,” he whispers. Lance nods, staring determinedly at Keith’s chest.

“Yeah. I don’t really know how to handle them, and even though I know I’ll never be able to _really_ send her letters, I wanted to ask her what to do. And I thought you’d found it, so I uh…”

Keith nods, blood rushing to his face. Lance was writing to his mom about his _feelings_ for _Keith_. God, this day has fucked his emotions real bad.

“And I realized that if I ever got the nerve to ask you out, or even just as friends, I’d never be able to introduce you to my family. My parents, my brothers and sisters, none of them would ever be able to meet you. They’re very important to me, and so are you, not to mention the others. So I…”

Lance trails off, looking frazzled. Keith sits up a little straighter, feeling like he should say something.

“Lance, I-”

“Oh god,” Lance says, and he seems to have gone from being slightly flustered to having a full on panic attack. “Oh my god, why did I say that? I’m such an idiot. I- I’m really sorry, I just had to say _something_ -”

“You’re rambling. Do you ever shut up?” Keith asks, but he isn’t annoyed. Lance is looking away, so he has to settle for taking his hand instead. He intertwines their fingers and glances back. Lance is staring at their hands, surprised, but then he looks back at Keith and there’s hope written all over his face. Then slowly, as if he’s just registered Keith’s words, a grin spreads across his dumb face.

“Why don’t you _make me_ , Keeeiith?” he drones teasingly, wiggling his eyebrows and squeezing their hands together, and Keith is _so_ ready to punch him.

But instead, he leans in close--which isn’t hard because they’re still huddled up on his bed--and presses their lips firmly together.

Lance squeaks in surprise, but he moves closer almost immediately. His lips are warm and firm and exciting, unlike anything Keith has ever experienced before. He does something wonderful then, sucking on Keith’s lower lip like it’s made of candy, and he’s quickly realizing that he’s _extremely_ inexperienced with this kind of stuff.

Lance is dominating him completely, and the mood has shifted from playful to heated. He pushes Keith back onto the mattress, kneeling between his legs, and pins both of his hands above his head. Keith’s back arches involuntarily, pressing into Lance as they kiss. They’re both making sounds that are completely embarrassing and kind of hot, and they could both care less.

Lance shifts his attention to Keith’s throat, sucking on the tender part of his neck just below his shirt collar. Keith groans, squirming happily under him, his fingers curling around Lance’s hand. He’s so damn distracting, and Keith is so into him.

“Be my boyfriend,” Lance whispers, looking up at Keith with his eyes blown wide, and Keith just barely gets out a breathy “yes” before their lips are on each other’s once again.

There will be time for this later. But neither of them really want to wait.

 

* * *

 

“Lance, where are we going?”

“Just trust me, okay?”

Keith rolls his eyes, allowing himself to be dragged along despite being just the littlest bit worried. He’d been in the middle of a round of training when Lance had come in and promptly kidnapped him, but he’s not complaining. It’s nice to have someone to bother him, especially when that someone is his boyfriend.

“Just a little more, we’re almost there.”

“You know,” he interjects, “you don’t have to lead me around like this. I know my way around the castle, I live here, too. You can just tell me where we’re going.”

“Nope!” Lance exclaims, flexing his fingers around Keith’s hand. “It’s nicer this way.”

Keith scoffs, looking away in embarrassment. “Whatever.”

They round a few corners and make their way to the main control deck. To his surprise, the other paladins are already there, as well as Coran and Allura. They seemed to have been waiting, too, because Pidge yells “About time!” as they enter.

“Like you didn’t just get here,” Hunk says, and she elbows him in the side with an accusatory glare.

“We’re here, we’re here,” Lance assures. Keith is sure he looks just as confused as he feels, because Shiro takes pity on him.

“It’s nothing urgent. Lance just wanted to do something, and he said it was really important, so we’re all here.”

“And a good thing, too,” Allura adds. “We don’t have time to just stand around, you know. So hurry up and pose, or Zarkon will catch up before we even take the picture.”

Keith frowns, then turns to Lance for an explanation. “Picture?” he asks, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. Lance shrugs, walking them over to the rest of the group.

“I thought it would be nice for us to have a family photo, too,” he explains with a shrug. “And if we ever get back to Earth, we can hire a professional photographer, but for now we’ll have to make due.”

“I didn’t even know there was a camera on this thing,” Keith says, glancing suspiciously at the one sitting on the control panel, facing the window.

“Pidge built it just for the occasion,” Hunk explains, which earns him another elbow to the gut.

“I didn’t do that!” Pidge exclaims indignantly, crossing her arms and pouting. “Lance just happened to need something that I was planning on building anyway.”

“Yeah, yeah, we know you care about us,” Lance says, waving his hand dismissively.

“I do not!”

“Hey!” Shiro stares at Lance sternly, and Keith is almost worried. That is, until he follows up with “Be nice to your sister, Lance.”

“Excuse me?!” Pidge protests, eyes going wide behind her glasses. Lance has on a similar expression, but he shakes himself out of it quickly.

“Okay, Space Dad, we get it,” he replies, smirking as the grin drops off Shiro’s face.

“This is so weird,” Keith mutters, just quiet enough for Lance to hear. “If we’re all family and Shiro is our dad, doesn’t that make this incest?”

“You’re overthinking this. Let’s just say that Pidge is my adopted sister, and Hunk is my adopted brother. You’re family symbolically, but you’re not adopted because that’s still incest. So you’re like an honorary member of Shiro’s Space Dad Family, like Coran and Allura.”

Keith glares. “And you said that _I_ was overthinking this.”

“Ahem!”

Both boys turn their attention to Allura, who is hovering over them menacingly. “If you’re quite done, I think we’re all ready to take the picture.”

“Right.” Lance wilts under her stare, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. “Sorry, we got kind of carried away.”

“We noticed,” Hunk supplies. Lance glares at him, but before he can start, Pidge is dragging both of them into the camera’s range.

“I made it remote controlled, so we can all pose comfortably before we take the picture, without having to worry about a timer. Plus that way we can use it as a type of spy tool after we’re done with all this nonsense. Also, it’s a sort of instant film camera, so we should be able to see the photo a few minutes after we take it. I know you’re all impatient.”

Keith rolls his eyes fondly, and she sticks her tongue out at him. “Okay, everyone should stand back so I can check the camera angle and stuff. Also, you’re going to have to squish together, because I could only find so much lens material on the ship.”

The group obediently readjusts their positions, and Pidge runs over to the camera to peer into the eye. “Closer,” she instructs, and then “Wait!”

“What is it?” Shiro asks, starting to move towards her.

“No, stay there! I just forgot something.” Pidge scrambles for the control deck, pulls up a few screens, and types something into a glowing panel on the left.

“What are you doing to the control deck?” Coran asks, sounding panicked. “I just spent almost three of your Earth hours trying to clean it out!”

“It’s nothing,” Pidge replies noncommittally, hitting a button. “Don’t worry about it.”

There’s a short pause, and then the air around them is filled with bright blue constellations, moving slowly around the room. But strangely enough, Keith _recognizes_ these constellations.

“Are these from Earth?” he asks, staring in wonder.

“Not exactly. Technically they’re from the Milky Way, so they’re not Earth specific, but either way you should be able to-”

“Pidge, we get it,” Lance says, beckoning her over. “Come on, I’m getting impatient.”

“Okay, geez.” Pidge sighs longsufferingly. “I’m just trying to make it magical or whatever. I thought you wanted it to be perfect.”

“This is perfect,” Shiro assures her. Satisfied, she takes her place between and in front of Lance and Hunk. Coran and Allura are next to Shiro, who is on Keith’s other side, and Lance is right next to Keith, still holding his hand.

“Everyone ready?” Lance asks, grinning wide. Keith side eyes him and can’t help but smile as well--it’s pretty damn infectious.

“Three!” Pidge starts the countdown. “Two! One!”

At the last second, (literally,) Lance pulls Keith down and dips him tango-style, planting a passionate kiss on his lips. Keith feels warmth spread throughout his entire body, and he knows he must be blushing terribly as the click of the camera echoes around the room, but he can’t bring himself to care.

He hears whoops from Pidge, fond laughs from Allura and Hunk, and a muttered “finally” from Shiro, but not without love. Somebody has started clapping--he blames Coran--and now the entire group has started applauding them.

Lance pulls back with a flirty wink, and he licks his lips as Keith stands upright again. He keeps his arm wrapped around Keith’s waist though, which makes him feel warm and bubbly and loved.

 _I could get used to this,_ he thinks.

The photo turns out great, despite the last minute change of pose. Pidge’s camera must be very short exposure, because there’s absolutely no blur anywhere in the picture. Hunk is grinning hugely on the left, followed by Pidge (with both her arms up in a cheer). Coran is posed comically with his hand on his hip, and next to him Allura and Shiro smile and stand tall like the proud guardians of the rowdy bunch.

In the middle, the picture has captured Lance and Keith, looking so blissfully happy. Lance’s eyes are closed, and he’s smiling into the kiss, his arms wrapped around Keith’s waist to keep him from falling down. Keith’s eyes are open and filled with surprise and laughter, and the corner of his mouth is turned up ever so slightly.

Pidge makes her camera print out two dozen copies (because apparently it can do that) and sticks them around the whole castle for everyone to see, but Keith and Lance each keep their copies in their rooms, taped to the wall above their beds.

Keith will never admit it to anyone, but that photo is the most precious thing he owns. And Lance? Lance is the best thing to have ever happened to him.

Maybe family isn’t such a foreign concept, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> This was for the fourth day of Voltron Week but I was super late so here, take it now. It's also the longest fanfiction I've ever written in the shortest amount of time (four days).  
> Monachopsis - the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place, taken from [this post](http://http://tai-korczak.tumblr.com/post/121552139015/23-emotions-people-feel-but-cant-explain).  
> Speaking of, [come hang out with me on Tumblr!](https://djbunn3.tumblr.com/)


End file.
